A 'To Be' List

To focus on being rather than doing in this season of reflection.

All photos © The Autumn Chronicles

Welcome to The Autumn Chronicles, a place to shine a light on all the wonder around us as we navigate the seasons. I hope these writings allow you to sit quietly with a cup of something warm and comforting and take a few moments for yourself away from the rush and hurry. If you would like to make sure you get all newsletters directly to your inbox, please subscribe below. Thank you for being here.

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We all have to do lists. The list that lives on the desk or the fridge and keeps getting longer and longer as our lives get busier and the demands on our time more incessant. By making a to do list, we are ensuring that we prioritise our actions, making sure everything gets completed and nothing is forgotten. There is a lot of satisfaction on ticking items off a to do list; it makes us feel productive and gives us the dopamine hit that comes with a sense of achievement.

The downside of a to do list, if you are anything like me, is that it never feels done. There is always a task to complete and as soon as I cross one thing off the list, two or three new things will sprout up in its place. As I find that I am leaning into a slower life, one that promotes ease and joy rather than constant activity and obligation, I also question the merit in constantly defining myself by how productive I am. This often leads me to feeling burnt out, stressed and, ironically, like I haven’t achieved anything at all.

This feeling is incredibly timely for me because, after a few months of writing regularly, there are competing demands on my time and energy. I have found that I do not have the space, or will, to be creative. Time that would have been spent writing has been spent commuting; time that would have been spent thinking of ideas has been spent worrying about how I will get everything done, or feeling so exhausted that I am empty, depleted. Everything happens in seasons and this is the season in which I find myself currently.

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Anna Rose

over on The Burnout Rebellion posed an interesting question recently. She asked about values and the standards by which we aspire to live our lives. It’s well worth a read and can be found here. The values I chose from the list were:

• Balance

• Contentment

• Curiosity

• Authenticity

• Belonging

This has become my personal ‘to be’ list. I want my life to be balanced, to make sure I prioritise my obligations and do them to the best of my ability, but ensure I leave enough energy and time for the things that will replenish me too. I want to feel content in my life; to be comfortable in my choices because they are considered and calm, rather than making snap decisions that lead me to regret or disappointment later. Curiosity has always been something that is important to me and is the word my husband says he most associates with me. I am eternally interested in the ‘why’ behind things and I find that being curious helps me to offset the burden of the mundane by focusing on the wonder that is there to be experienced.

I spent a lot of my teens and most of my twenties feeling like I had to change who I was to fit in. As I approach my 40th birthday in January, authenticity has become almost a guiding star for me. Being at peace with myself, recognising my strengths and weaknesses and having the courage to show up in the world as an authentic version of who I am and who I want to be - not who I feel I should be - is a work in progress but a wonderful journey. In conjunction with authenticity is belonging. Realising that I’m not for everyone - and that is ok - has led me to find some incredible people that are my chosen family. Fewer, closer relationships have given me people in my life that fill me up when I am with them, that offer support in times of need and who celebrate the wins with me, and who I can do all these things for in turn.

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Now we are embedded in autumn, season of reflection, of letting go of what no longer serves us, it is the perfect time to contemplate where we are. Reflecting on these values, and how I try to show up in my own life, led me to the concept of a to be list. What if, instead of focusing on measuring our value by our productivity, we focused on the qualities with which we would like to show up in the world? Of course, there will always be tasks that need to be completed, life admin to fit into already hectic schedules and jobs that demand our time and attention. Stepping back to evaluate what underpins our obligations, to feel more in tune with who we are, what we want to be and how we would like to live can help us to change the focus.

We all know that we cannot pour from an empty cup. Protecting our energy by focusing on being rather than doing, helps us to approach things differently. Instead of being ground down by a sense of obligation, and the inevitable stress that brings, choosing how we approach each day - or even each task - is akin to setting an intention. Reflecting on how we want the day to feel, what it is important to us to hold space for as we embark on any particular task, can shift the internal narrative from feeling at the mercy of a never-ending to do list to being in control of how we move through our lives.

I’d love to know: what would be on your ‘to be’ list?

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